Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
