Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
