I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
