the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
