How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
