Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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