No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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