so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
