You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
