I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
