I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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