im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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