you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
