He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
