I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
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Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
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I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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