Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
