I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
