I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
