Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
