i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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