thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
