whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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