I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
