YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
