a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
