God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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