I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
