Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
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We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
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I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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