This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
its liver damage thursday
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
