My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
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This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
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Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.