Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
