he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
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My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
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Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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