I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
high people should be assigned attendants
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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