I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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