If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
