Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
