so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
