she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize