cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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