I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
