I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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