i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
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The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
my poor anus
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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