So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
