Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
There's always time for handjobs
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
