I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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