i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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