so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
