i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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