he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
