shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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