apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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