We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
