Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
