It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
