Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
