You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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